Saciedad
Blog "Homo Eternus"; parte 1, "Saciedad"
No supe como importar los comentarios en el nuevo blog. Publico de nuevo los comentarios en este blog, bajo la etiqueta de "Saciedad", invitando a los lectores a que encuentren la novela corta en el enlace provisto arriba.
Mil gracias,
D
sábado, 25 de abril de 2009
viernes, 24 de abril de 2009
The Six-Thousand Dollar Man
"We have the technology… We can rebuild him…"
Well, whaddaya know? The future caught up with me. When I was a child I loved the "Bionic Man" TV series. It had that hokey and cheesy quality that made you understand that those things couldn't possibly happen, but still made you lay down at night thinking, "What if…?"
The guy would go, "Tit-tit-tit-tit-tit… A-tit-tit-tit-tit-tit…" every time he ran really fast or jumped really high. If you heard the noise, then you knew that he was about to open a can of whoop-ass on the bad guys.
But maybe I should back up a little, and explain what I'm talking about for those who are not as old as I am. Back in the 70's there was a TV-series called "The Six-Million Dollar Man" (in Mexico it was called "The Bionic Man") and it featured the adventures of Steve Austin, erstwhile astronaut, who did an epic fail when he parked his spaceship nose first into the ground. So, as a reward for trashing God knows how many gazillion dollars of tax-payer money, he was rebuilt by some shady secret organization. He was pretty ruined, so they had to put in a one "bionic" arm, two legs, and one eye to make him all better. This was done at the great cost of six-million dollars (I now imagine Dr. Evil going, "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"). Anyway, back then it was a lot of dough, okay?
So, anyway, yeah, like I was saying, the bionic man. Yeah, stuff that couldn't possibly happen, right?
Well, not quite. For the modest sum of around six-thousand dollars, you can have the little gadget in the picture on top. It is a hearing aid for people who don't like to look like they have their gramps' vacuum-tube radio strapped to their head. It has all kinds of computer chips in it, and it filters the noise and amplifies only human speech. It's very nifty.
How do I know, you ask? Well, a couple of years back I noticed that I was having trouble following the conversations in the Intensive Care Unit, where patients are really sick so they are plugged in to a dozen gadgets that whir, sigh, buzz, fart, squirt, slosh, ding, zap, and make squiggly lines all over the place. Besides all those noises, people tend to speak very q-u-i-e-t like, so as not to disturb the poor patient. Which is all fine and well, except I couldn't hear half of what they were saying. In my capacity as a medical interpreter, such situation is evidently unacceptable. So I went to my doctor, mentioned the problem, got referred to an audiologist, got all sorts of weird contraptions screwed onto my ears, got tested and analyzed, and then got told that I'm deaf.
Yah, I was surprised, too. Anyway, last year I got me some hearing aids, and we were all happily-ever-after…
Except for the part where I have to pay six-thousand dollars to hear good again. But that's a small price to pay, really, in order to fulfill two important aspects of my life: I get to hear whatever people are whispering about me behind my back 'cuz they think I'm still deaf, and I get to be the first kid in my block that turns into the real Steve Austin.
I win.
D
Well, whaddaya know? The future caught up with me. When I was a child I loved the "Bionic Man" TV series. It had that hokey and cheesy quality that made you understand that those things couldn't possibly happen, but still made you lay down at night thinking, "What if…?"
The guy would go, "Tit-tit-tit-tit-tit… A-tit-tit-tit-tit-tit…" every time he ran really fast or jumped really high. If you heard the noise, then you knew that he was about to open a can of whoop-ass on the bad guys.
But maybe I should back up a little, and explain what I'm talking about for those who are not as old as I am. Back in the 70's there was a TV-series called "The Six-Million Dollar Man" (in Mexico it was called "The Bionic Man") and it featured the adventures of Steve Austin, erstwhile astronaut, who did an epic fail when he parked his spaceship nose first into the ground. So, as a reward for trashing God knows how many gazillion dollars of tax-payer money, he was rebuilt by some shady secret organization. He was pretty ruined, so they had to put in a one "bionic" arm, two legs, and one eye to make him all better. This was done at the great cost of six-million dollars (I now imagine Dr. Evil going, "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"). Anyway, back then it was a lot of dough, okay?
So, anyway, yeah, like I was saying, the bionic man. Yeah, stuff that couldn't possibly happen, right?
Well, not quite. For the modest sum of around six-thousand dollars, you can have the little gadget in the picture on top. It is a hearing aid for people who don't like to look like they have their gramps' vacuum-tube radio strapped to their head. It has all kinds of computer chips in it, and it filters the noise and amplifies only human speech. It's very nifty.
How do I know, you ask? Well, a couple of years back I noticed that I was having trouble following the conversations in the Intensive Care Unit, where patients are really sick so they are plugged in to a dozen gadgets that whir, sigh, buzz, fart, squirt, slosh, ding, zap, and make squiggly lines all over the place. Besides all those noises, people tend to speak very q-u-i-e-t like, so as not to disturb the poor patient. Which is all fine and well, except I couldn't hear half of what they were saying. In my capacity as a medical interpreter, such situation is evidently unacceptable. So I went to my doctor, mentioned the problem, got referred to an audiologist, got all sorts of weird contraptions screwed onto my ears, got tested and analyzed, and then got told that I'm deaf.
Yah, I was surprised, too. Anyway, last year I got me some hearing aids, and we were all happily-ever-after…
Except for the part where I have to pay six-thousand dollars to hear good again. But that's a small price to pay, really, in order to fulfill two important aspects of my life: I get to hear whatever people are whispering about me behind my back 'cuz they think I'm still deaf, and I get to be the first kid in my block that turns into the real Steve Austin.
I win.
D
miércoles, 22 de abril de 2009
Se habla Spanglish
Please use the following words in a sentence:
1. Cheese
"I like Nancy, but cheese too crazy, vato!"
2. Mushroom
"When my ant Concha rice in the car wid us, there's not mushroom left."
3. Shoulder
"My girlfren din't know how to go to Walmart, so I shoulder."
4. Herpes
"We had some pizza: I got my piece, and cheese got herpes."
5. July
"It ain't da truth, man: July!"
6. Rectum
"I had two trucks, but my fren rectum!"
7. Juarez
"Momma used to say, 'Juarez your problem?'"
8. Chicken Wing
"My wife plays da lotto so chicken wing."
9. Wheelchair
"Sis okay if juno have lunch, man. Wheelchair."
10. Bishop
"My boss wife fell at work, so I had to pick the bishop."
D
1. Cheese
"I like Nancy, but cheese too crazy, vato!"
2. Mushroom
"When my ant Concha rice in the car wid us, there's not mushroom left."
3. Shoulder
"My girlfren din't know how to go to Walmart, so I shoulder."
4. Herpes
"We had some pizza: I got my piece, and cheese got herpes."
5. July
"It ain't da truth, man: July!"
6. Rectum
"I had two trucks, but my fren rectum!"
7. Juarez
"Momma used to say, 'Juarez your problem?'"
8. Chicken Wing
"My wife plays da lotto so chicken wing."
9. Wheelchair
"Sis okay if juno have lunch, man. Wheelchair."
10. Bishop
"My boss wife fell at work, so I had to pick the bishop."
D
lunes, 20 de abril de 2009
Índice completado
Buenas nuevas: He completado el índice de relatos en este blog. Está en la barra de al lado, y solo incluye relatos cortos, poemas, ensayos y algunas divagaciones. Otras divagaciones que no venían a santo de nada las dejé excluidas. También excluí dos cuentos de los más antiguos: "The Wasting" y "Alameda Central". Creo que cada uno se merece su presentación singular, como la secuencia "Homo Eternus" y "Aztec Princess". Pero eso queda pendiente.
Me voy a trabajar en la traducción de los últimos capítulos de "Satiety", para luego enfocarme por completo en "Finitum capax infiniti".
Y luego… Bueno, ya no sé qué más… Se me acabó el rollo por hoy.
Me voy a trabajar en la traducción de los últimos capítulos de "Satiety", para luego enfocarme por completo en "Finitum capax infiniti".
Y luego… Bueno, ya no sé qué más… Se me acabó el rollo por hoy.
D
domingo, 19 de abril de 2009
Nueva lista de títulos pendiente
Me comentan que es difícil encontrar relatos en mi blog, entre tanto desmadre. Bueno, es cierto, aunque yo hubiera pensado que es fácil buscarlos por etiquetas. En fin, que voy a crear una nueva sección en el blog que se llame "Índice de relatos", para que nadie se pierda, mas tenga lectura eterna. Así sea.
Pero me voy a tardar un rato, porque son una pila de relatos en este blog…
D
Pero me voy a tardar un rato, porque son una pila de relatos en este blog…
D
miércoles, 15 de abril de 2009
Falta de sueño
El otro día estaba mi señora esposa viendo el programa "30 Rock", que parece ser una comedia. La verdad, por más famoso que sea, nunca me había llamado la atención.
En fin, que estaba la señora viendo tele, y yo estaba allí, con ella. Entonces, el capítulo de esa semana, "Apollo Apollo" se trataba de la melancolía de no haber conseguido lo que uno soñaba de niño, o alguna babosada así por el estilo. Mientras se desarrollaba la trama, había momentos en los que algún personaje pensaba, «ay, oyes, ay, ¿por qué nadie ve las cosas desde mi perspectiva?».
Justo entonces, todo el show se transformaba al punto de vista de ese protagonista en particular. Por ejemplo, el actor Tracy veía a todos como una versión de él mismo, lo cual me pareció una buena manera de representar la megalomanía. Me recordó a la famosa escena en la película "Being John Malkovich", cuando el actor John Malkovich, que en la película personificaba al epónimo protagonista (qué raro, ¿no?) accedía su propia mente a través de un tunel secreto que comenzaba en un edificio de oficinas. Total, que al entrar su propia mente, veía a todo el mundo como una versión de él mismo, que se la pasaban diciendo "¡Malkovich Malkovich!" para todo.
Cuando le tocó el turno al personaje Kenneth, el edecán, se imaginaba a todos como muppets. Y, bueno, yo quería decir que ese punto de vista lo comparto. Cada que me desvelo (lo cual es seguido, porque trabajo de noche), empiezo a ver todo como si fuera una caricatura. Al principio pensaba que era porque estoy medio loco.
Pero ya me doy cuenta que es porque, aparte de estar loco y medio, soy el Kenneth de mi casa.
Ni modo. Bueno, miren estas escenas.
D
En fin, que estaba la señora viendo tele, y yo estaba allí, con ella. Entonces, el capítulo de esa semana, "Apollo Apollo" se trataba de la melancolía de no haber conseguido lo que uno soñaba de niño, o alguna babosada así por el estilo. Mientras se desarrollaba la trama, había momentos en los que algún personaje pensaba, «ay, oyes, ay, ¿por qué nadie ve las cosas desde mi perspectiva?».
Justo entonces, todo el show se transformaba al punto de vista de ese protagonista en particular. Por ejemplo, el actor Tracy veía a todos como una versión de él mismo, lo cual me pareció una buena manera de representar la megalomanía. Me recordó a la famosa escena en la película "Being John Malkovich", cuando el actor John Malkovich, que en la película personificaba al epónimo protagonista (qué raro, ¿no?) accedía su propia mente a través de un tunel secreto que comenzaba en un edificio de oficinas. Total, que al entrar su propia mente, veía a todo el mundo como una versión de él mismo, que se la pasaban diciendo "¡Malkovich Malkovich!" para todo.
Cuando le tocó el turno al personaje Kenneth, el edecán, se imaginaba a todos como muppets. Y, bueno, yo quería decir que ese punto de vista lo comparto. Cada que me desvelo (lo cual es seguido, porque trabajo de noche), empiezo a ver todo como si fuera una caricatura. Al principio pensaba que era porque estoy medio loco.
Pero ya me doy cuenta que es porque, aparte de estar loco y medio, soy el Kenneth de mi casa.
Ni modo. Bueno, miren estas escenas.
D
jueves, 9 de abril de 2009
More blog amputations!!
I've decided to also excise my "Aztec Princess" tale off this blog, and publish it separately like I did with "Homo Eternus."
As soon as I prepare the new blog, I'll publish the link here. I will also place a new section on my features column highlighting the new blogs.
Más amputaciones blogueras…
He decidido extirpar de este blog a la "Princesa azteca" también, y la publicaré por separado, al igual que lo hice con "Homo Eternus".
En cuanto esté listo el nuevo blog, publicaré el enlace aquí. También voy a colocar una nueva sección en la columna de anuncios para destacar a los blogs nuevos.
viernes, 3 de abril de 2009
The computer ate my homework…
Well, no, not homework, not really. But I was almost done translating the first chapter of "Satiety" (Saciedad), when I had to go pee. Then, when I returned and tried to log in again, I discovered that the blog hadn't saved any changes…
*Sigh*
Be it a lesson to all of you, out there: write your stuff elsewhere, and THEN you can load it to your blog.
Ah, well, I don't feel like trying again tonight. Maybe I'll try again next week… We'll see…
D
jueves, 2 de abril de 2009
It's here! ¡Ya salió!
Here's the link for the blog that will host the "Homo Eternus" sequence:
http://dnaznovelas.blogspot.com/
Thank you for your consideration.
D
Aquí está el enlace al blog que será sede para la secuencia de "Homo Eternus":
http://dnaznovelas.blogspot.com/
Gracias por su amable atención,
D
http://dnaznovelas.blogspot.com/
Thank you for your consideration.
D
Aquí está el enlace al blog que será sede para la secuencia de "Homo Eternus":
http://dnaznovelas.blogspot.com/
Gracias por su amable atención,
D
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